If any of the producers of What Not to Wear ever happen to read this article, please accept my personal cry for help and send me to Stacy and Clinton asap.

Though I can usually throw together something appropriate for work or special events, about half of my clothing inventory consists of utterly ridiculous garments. It doesn’t help that I’m sentimental and can’t discard my prom dresses five years later, or that I’m waiting for certain trends to come back (though I’m pretty sure sparkly, sleeveless, turtleneck sweaters were never in style to begin with). And it definitely doesn’t help that I went through a goth/punk phase that a small part of the “professional” me desperately wants to revert back to.

As we all get ready for back to school, many of us will rummage through our closets and get rid of last season’s most shameful shirts, skirts, dresses, and pants in order to make room in our tiny dorm closets for upcoming styles (that we will undoubtedly regret in 2009 or 2010).

Here are some of my particularly embarrassing items.

1. Drawstring Khakis

I think that any pants that don’t have a numerical size should be left alone. So, why I bought these “Size L” drawstring pants with floral embroidery at the bottom is beyond me. They don’t go with any shoes, the trim is tacky, and they are so baggy that they make my ass look like a misshaped Volvo. I used to wear them to lounge around, because a lack of a waist obviously equals comfort; however, I made the mistake of wearing them out of the house one extremely hungover day. In public. With friends. My friend turned to me and said, “If you ever wear those pants again, I will cut them off your body.” Point taken. Read More »

Cute, yellow, cheap. In other words, perfect.

I like this dress because it looks so easy. It’s so put-together without any mess.
And, again. Mustard yellow. Need I say more? Read More »

MTV has gone above and beyond lame by giving Lauren Conrad her own fashion line—and making it expensive as hell.

The annoying blond from The Hills (doesn’t narrow it down at all, does it?) has been an intern at Teen Vogue for a while, and I guess after two years of licking envelopes and putting dresses back on hangers, MTV decided she had enough training to put out her own line of boring, expensive crap.

Looking like stuff you could pick up at Forever 21 or H&M for $20, Conrad’s designs (named after herself. How imaginative) range from an $85 to $150 dollars, totally slamming the door on any of her teenage fans who don’t have their parents credit card handy.

After clicking through the small array of rayon shirts and dresses (and a headscarf that costs $25.00), I can’t decide which pisses me off more; the fact that MTV has become so obsessed with money that it no longer applies to normal people, or the fact that girls will actually buy expensive stuff designed by a chick who has no official training whatsoever.

All I’m saying is, if I’m going to buy something that’s almost 90% rayon, I’ll push past the 10-year-olds to the Wet Seal at my neighborhood mall.

Check out the entire Lauren Conrad Collection after the jump! Read More »

Now, if you had millions of dollars, tons of fame, and routinely saw yourself on the cover of gossip magazines, you’d think about what you wore to the grocery store, right? I mean, maybe you wouldn’t get dressed to the nines every single day, but you’d at least try to find some cute, comfy things to wear in case the paparazzi happened to be stationed outside your car. Because you’re famous. Famous people get their picture taken.

You’d want to look good, right?

Not if you’re Britney Spears.

These new photographs confirm my suspicions that Ms. Spears has no mirrors in her house. And if she does have them, they’re magic mirrors, which tell her she looks completely normal and tasteful in half a shirt and daisy dukes.

Does B.S (ha, that’s funny) dress like a hooker because she’s kind of unhinged? Is it because she thinks it’s the only way to land a man? Are those short shorts and midriff baring tops an unconscious illustration of low self-esteem, or are they a shield for a woman who doesn’t know any other way to deal with the world? Could she have a missing fashion gene? Is she going blind? Read More »