Whew! Tonight’s episode of The Hills really wiped me out. Between all that bicoastal travel and those beers I had at my Labor Day BBQ, I was tired. Although it may also have to due with my lingering hangover from Saturday’s festivities.

But I digress.

It seems as though with every passing episode of The Hills I find myself hating someone else. First it was Spencer (duh), then Heidi (double duh), then Jen Bunny, Lauren and, naturally, Lo. Well, another one bites the dust: Whitney.

Don’t get me wrong - Whitney is awesome. She is nice, smart, driven and has a killer wardrobe. But the fact that she gets to travel between L.A. and NYC dressing hot guys for model casting calls just makes me want to scream. Why her?! Why not me?! That girl must have some sort of magical spell on Kelly Cutrone; she made the woman smile!

And it was scary.

While Whit was off playing Dress the Hottie on the East Coast, LC was back in L.A. trying to break things off with Doug. I don’t really know why you’d break up with a guy who looks that good (considering the guy she really loves wears camo…), but I do have to commend her on actually sitting down and breaking things off. I tend to stick to the “avoid him until he gets it” tactic, so it was admirable– while totally awkward – that she went to his place to give him the news. Read More »

Dear LC,
Dear Lauren Conrad,

Hey chica! First of all, I want to say I totally respect you as a person and I think your new cell phone commercial is… not vain and retarded? Anyway, I’m just writing this letter to you because I think we’ve reached a roadblock in our relationship. I think you’re a darling girl and I’d love to remain friends, but unfortunately, we’ve both grown apart as people.

Listen, everything started out great between us. You were fun loving and carefree and your cotton sundresses were so cute and colorful. I really respected your style and how seemingly committed you were to all your girl friends. Things have changed though, haven’t they?

As a new season of The Hills approaches, I feel I need a relationship vacation from you. I won’t stop watching your show, obviously, but I don’t think “we” work together. I will watch because I’ll always respect your Marc Jacobs bags and your ability to turn any fun event into “The Lauren Conrad Drama Hour.”

Here are the reasons that I need this relationship vacation: Read More »

Last night’s episode of The Hills was a total snoozer. Seriously; I fell asleep during that dumb Alicia Key’s during-the-commercial show. Poor Alica; you have such a beautiful voice, but your acting skills are so…well…stick to singing, my dear.

Anyways, I really had to force myself to stay awake. Which was especially difficult considering the fact that I need at least 2 glasses of wine to ease my anxiety so Heidi’s face, and attempts at showing emotion, don’t give me nightmares.

The show started with Heidi and Audrina meeting up for lunch. That sneaky little lady; she tells Lauren that she would never be friends with Heidi again and there she goes snacking on a sandwich and chatting it up with her behind Lauren’s back. Then she agrees to meet up with Heidi for “Ladies Night,” after making a really weird “I am not sure I want to do this/I can’t handle those lips, Heidi” face. Read More »

[Yes, LC, we realize this Hills update is late. No need to make that “holding corn chips incredulously” move of yours. This week sucked for your dear editor. I apologize. Now, on to the awesomeness…]

Yesterday I had a serious case of the Mondays. Even the Boston Creme donut I had didn’t make me feel any better. Or the giant sale on Bloomingdales.com (but I may not feel the good vibes from that until my brand new jacket arrives in the mail!). I was ready to retire to bed with a cup of tea and a good book until I remembered something awesome: The Hills is back. I have gotten so used to Mondays without my blonde and super tan frenemies that I nearly forgot. I turned on the TV and was blessed with even more good news: TWO EPISODES!

It was like the clouds parted and the sun began to shine.

Two full episodes means there is a lot of ground to cover. I took three pages of notes! Sure, a lot of that includes, “What the hell is Stephanie wearing on her head?” and, “Heidi looks like she wants to cry right now – she is trying so hard – but her face just…won’t….move.” But so much happened!

There is no way I can really discuss everything I want to – like Heidi and Spencer’s fight over who paid for which super-sized flat screen - so here is a brief rundown of the happenings on episodes dos and tres of The Hills. Sort of a Cliff’s Notes guide to last night’s drama.

Read More »

Last night was the season premiere of The Hills and all I can say is, wow. I have been counting down to this moment for a long time. I even had a party to celebrate it. But even I couldn’t have anticipated just how spectacular the whole event was going to be.

A pre-show.

Mariah Carey.

An hour-long episode (with commercial breaks that seemed a lot shorter than normal).

It was fantastic.

As you all know, last night’s episode picked up where last season abruptly ended some three months ago: Lauren and Whitney arrive in Paris, while Heidi and Spencer work through the many failings of their overly public relationship. I am ashamed to say this, but after watching I was extremely disappointed with Lauren and (gulp) actually kinda respected Heidi.

Before you throw tomatoes at your computer screen, hear me out. Read More »

When we last left The Hills – far too long ago than I’d like to think about – Heidi was heading back to Montag Ranch in the rugged hills of Colorado for a much needed break from Spencer. From his lack of a job to his oversized beard to the fact that he packed her bags to elope in Vegas, Heidi had enough. She may also have realized that the ring (weighing in at about 50% of her pre-implants body weight) was f-a-k-e.

And since the infamous season finale, people have been wondering what is going on with the Dumb-As-Rocks Duo. Rumors have been flying: Heidi and Spencer broke up, they are still together but the wedding is off, that (GASP) the show is completely scripted.

Now, I am a girl who has standards when it comes to the news. I am not just going to believe whatever some weird looking dude with a propensity for scribbling on pictures has to say. I want some evidence. Like these photos I found while perusing my favorite blog sites yesterday. (Note: high standards is a relative statement.) Read More »

Last night was one of those nights that can only be described as bittersweet. I sat on my couch excitedly anticipating the action packed season finale of The Hills (sweet) with some homemade biscotti (also sweet) before I realized that it would in fact be the last Monday for a long time to include my gal pals from L.A. (bitter).

Today is completely bitter. I feel like it is the morning after an awesome hook up when I can’t do anything but sit and think about the guy while I wait for him to call. While the evening it all went down (no pun intended) was awesome, the morning after just sucks.

This time, though, is even worse; I know Lauren isn’t going to call. And I know I am going to have to wait a long, long time to see her again.

But even with all this sadness I can’t help but get warm and fuzzy inside when I think back to that half hour of perfection last night. And my delicious biscotti.

The episode could not have been better. I found my heart melting for Brody, which is weird because he is totally not my type. Usually the popped collar/weird oversized hat kinda guys completely turn me off. But I guess there is something to be said about a guy in love. And he so is!

Which, by the way, made me hate Lauren just a little. Don’t get me wrong; the girl is absolutely fabulous. She has a killer wardrobe, she is surprisingly driven and intelligent considering her more-than-comfortable upbringing and she and I share many thoughts and opinions. I have to say, though, it drives me crazy when girls play dumb with guys. Read More »

I know what will be on my Hanukkah List this year: a few private sessions with Whitney, Lauren and Audrina’s trainer. Not that I find him attractive – I usually don’t go for beefy dudes in tight t-shirts who like to “cheers!” to everything.

No, I want to train with a guy who makes people go for a walk, do five jumping jacks, punch a little bit in the air, grab a few cocktails and end up looking like Whitney. Could her legs be more ridiculous?

Seriously, I don’t think this dude is a real trainer. I think he hangs out at the gym pretending to be one in order to lure hot girls into his giant beefy arms. And, clearly, it worked! He snagged one of L.A.’s hottest and managed to get a deal training some hot new music stars. Perhaps they - like me - saw Whitney and fell for his training charade.

I can also tell you what I don’t want for Hanukkah this year. And that is Spencer Pratt. First of all, that blonde haired/blue eyed freak could never pass for a Jew (and my papa wouldn’t approve). But second, and most important, Spencer makes me ill.

Not like “annoyed” ill. More like “I hate and judge a lot of people but you totally take the cake to the point that you make me lose my appetite for cake. Which is one of my favorite things” ill. Read More »