Taking a break from reporting the woes of the global financial crisis, today the New York Times reports that actor James Franco is physically perfect. (Okay, so maybe they didn’t get the memo when Spider-Man was released.)

According to the article, Israeli computer engineers have developed a “beautification engine” that uses an algorithm to digitally alter photographs of an individual’s face to be more attractive. Based on extensive research conducted at Tel Aviv University, the beautification engine can modify an image of a person’s face according to widely-held beauty principles (including symmetry of features, smoothness of skin, vividness of hair/eye color, among others) while still maintaining a striking, unmistakable resemblance to the original image. Read More »

Alright, Johansson, we’re gonna throw down, right here, RIGHT NOW.

Look, when you stepped out at the 2006 Golden Globes in that red dress that made me hate myself for a month, I said nothing. I sucked it up, bought a bra with gel inserts, and went on a diet.

When you became Woody Allen’s newest muse, stumbling through his manic dialogue with 34% accuracy, I let it go. Nobody can really do Woody Allen’s dialogue, so it was fine that you sucked.

And a few months ago, when I learned you were releasing an album of Tom Waits covers, I bit my tongue and pretended the idea of you attempting to understand the complicated, weather-beaten genius that is Mr. Waits didn’t feel like a dull spoon digging into my brain.

But this, THIS is too much. Dating Reynolds for only a year, and then somehow getting him to propose to you?! I’m not sure if you knew this, Scarlet, but after he and Alanis split, he was so slated to start dating me.

Whatever. All I have to say is watch your back. Especially if you come to New York City and happen to stumble into a dark alleyway in the East Village. Because I’ll be there.

…Right after I dismantle my R.R shrine and cry for a full 24 hours.

OMFG!!! Madonna and JT are HOT in her new video

Mariah trumps The King

Oh hey, Jamie Lynn Spears is still pregnant

When I think gold lamé leggings, I think Woody Allen

McDreamy for McAvon

Hillary is f*cking Obama

Heidi Montag is, like, totally a feminist hero

Dita Von Teese: former hardcore porn star, blonde

Leno apologizes over gay remarks

Science explains what therapy doesn’t: mama’s boys

A few years ago, Match Point was on HBO. Having nothing better to do, I began watching it, and noticed a pretty hot guy I’d never seen before.

That hot guy turned out to be Jonathan Rhys Meyers, and although I ended up falling asleep before the movie ended (something about self-absorbed people and Woody Allen dialogue works better than Lunesta for me), I couldn’t forget that Irish accent and those awesome lips.

Flash forward to one odd magazine cover and a few movies later, and you’ve got someone who’s not only no longer attracted to JRM, but has developed a strange fear of seeing his face anywhere.

I don’t know what happened. I’m not sure if he lost weight, got plastic surgery, or if my taste in men has just changed drastically, but seeing the recent pictures of JRM makes me want to stay away from his new movie August Rush (even though the adorable Keri Rusell co-stars) purely because his face makes me so damn uncomfortable. Read More »

What happens when you combine mediocre fiction with a lame film script and a girl who has a hard time being believable in anything?

You get The Nanny Diaries.

Apparently, Scarlett Johansson’s new movie is not just bad, but super bad (and not in that funny, quirky movie of the same title way). Critics everywhere are devouring it and spitting it back out, leaving only the incorporable Laura Linney unscathed. They say she does a good job being a rich bitch.

Everyone else? Horrible.

ScarJo included. Critics picked apart everything from her “leaden screen presence” to her “flustered mannerisms that smack of one too many Woody Allen projects” (seriously, the guy loves her. It’s weird).

As someone who hasn’t been able to believe Ms. Johansson in almost anything she’s done since Lost in Translation, I can’t say I’m surprised.

She’s hot, I’ll give her that, but I’m not sure a family comedy is her forte. I’m not even sure comedy is her forte. She smolders, sure. But she doesn’t pop. Or make me laugh. Ever.

Plus, even though the book was a bestseller, it certainly wasn’t literary gold. You can’t just cut up a beach read and put it on the screen, especially when you’re dealing with issues like class, money, and absentee parenting. Read More »