So, uh, I quit. I quit Master Cleansing.

I tried to talk myself in to sticking it out. I really did. I kept telling myself all the little motivators I mentioned in my last update. I told myself that if all sorts of other people could do it, I damn well could. I told myself that not only were all my friends and family aware I was doing it, but I was broadcasting it on the internet – to quit would mean failure, and everyone would know.

But then I went to the gym. And I’m totally one of those sick people who genuinely enjoys the gym. I love to sweat, use my muscles, feel all strong and healthy and accomplished. And when I found myself sprawled out on the workout mats, head all fuzzy and discombobulated, too tired and pissed off to do a crunch or run on the treadmill, I thought, this is totally moronic. I’m miserable. I don’t care if I’m so loaded with fucking toxins that I mutate in to the Incredible Hulk, this Master Cleanse sh*t has got to stop.

So, I gathered up my stuff, walked out of the gym, walked to the closest cafe, bought a parfait, and f*%king chowed down. And it was AWESOME. Immediately, everything turned around. I was cheerful, happy, energetic, ready to run on the treadmill and hang out with my boyfriend and paint my room and do all the things that seemed utterly insurmountable while I was living off of f*%king syrup and lemon juice. Read More »

Dear Ladies,

Men here, as a collective. We thought we’d get together and write you guys some letters about a few things that we’ve been thinking about. Today’s letter is about us men being confused! Yes, smirk, and press your tongue against your canine (its hot).

We’re confused about what you lovely ladies are wearing in the gym. More specifically, why you’re looking so damn hot in up in that! To us, the gym is about a few things. It’s about working out, making loud grunting noises (FYI, makes you stronger), and sleeveless narcissism.

Or at least, that’s what we go there for. We aren’t specifically there to look at, or pick up, women. There’s an assumption that most of us aren’t going to look our best in there anyways, so we aren’t super concerned with finding ladies to woo. But hey, thats us, we’re dudes and we think a certain way. Beyond ‘the gym isn’t for dating’ we also have a few collective rules that we feel like you may or may not have given us.

1. Gawking is creepy
2. Sweaty dudes are creepy
3. Gawking, sweaty dudes are super-duper creepy.

So you could see our confusion when you ladies show up to do some leg lifts or swiss ball crunches in what basically adds up to a bikini with more support. We want to be clear, we like you in bikinis. Hell, we love you in those things. But when you wear those in the gym, and you’re being all active, you’re really creating a dangerous situation for us. Again, we’ve got focused, mostly one-track minds. Here’s a short list of things we cannot do at the same time. Read More »

While biking up an extraordinarily large and difficult hill in Spin class this morning (made even more difficult by the night of binge drinking that preceded it), I was startled out of my zone by a rather raucous shout of, “COME ON, BABY!” I wasn’t sure who was screaming, or who baby was, but I didn’t care; I lost my groove. I started feeling the pain in my legs, the burning in my quads, and my whole ride was off. But I kept going. And so did she.

“WOO”“LET’S DO THIS!”“PEDAL. DO IT DO IT DO IT.” It was quite clear that this loud and rather burly woman was screaming at herself - pushing herself – but, why? Was there something wrong with internal dialogue?? With all the adrenaline pumping through my body, I wanted to pull a Christopher Carter and knock that bitch off her bike. Read More »

On running, that is.

I’ve come to realize that while working a high stress job in the city that never sleeps, moments of pure “zen” are few and far between. I go to bed at night lulled by fire engine sirens and cars honking and then wake up to fight the crowds of people in order to smash myself into a sweaty subway car.

The only time I feel clarity and almost a sense of euphoria is while running. I know, that sounds virtually impossible to be peaceful while huffing and puffing on the treadmill, but it’s true.

Science has just proven that I’m not the only crazy one. Running literally gets you high…

According to a new study done by German researchers, running releases a flood of endorphins to the brain, resulting in mood changes. The more endorphins to the brain, the greater the effect. Read More »