• Authorities in Park Slope say that a little girl who draws on the sidewalk is to be fined for graffiti. Well, good! I needed just one more reason to think that Brooklyn is totally, totally lame. (Brooklyn Press)

• Pirates vs Zombies! Apparently, they couldn’t wait two more weeks. (Pioneer Press)

• Best/worst quote of the week: “[She was] Just holding the baby out of the window and I was like ‘Oh no … no … no.’” (Baynews9.com)

• Kinda like the story above, except reverse! I can’t help but think the little guy is adorable (and a better driver than me!). (Yahoo!)

• Parents who sign their kids up for pole dancing lessons are f*cking idiots…but, like, if you’re 9 years old and dancing on a pole while your other friends are playing T-Ball…wouldn’t you kinda know something isn’t quite right? (COED Magazine)

• Think you’re going through a dry spell? “The average [amount of sex oppourtunities] in the engineering school is probably like once a semester.” Tragic. (Miami Herald)

• The French Prime Minister’s son likes poop. And Facebook! And embarrassing his family! (Telegraph.co.uk)

• “Having women well represented in the corporate boardroom can help improve financial performance.” Maybe with that extra money we can all get paid equally…maybe? (Yahoo!)

• Why is it that I could feasibly post a variation of this story everyday? Stop the madness! (Telegraph.co.uk)

• Some fat guy ate 21 pounds of grits and won $4,000. That works out to be about $190 a pound. It was for the glory, people! (seattlepi.com)

• Men tend to enjoy breasts. And according to the (female) author…we shouldn’t blame them (or show them). (Yahoo!)

• What if Apple never existed? What would hipsters identify themselves by (technologically speaking, of course)? (Yahoo!)

• Blast From the Past: On her 2006 tour, Amy Winehouse needed beer, wine, vodka, pizza…and sober roadies (to carry her to bed). (Smoking Gun)

• All I can picture is a team of high school football players high fiving the kid involved in this. Also, this. (Idahostatesman.com)

• Wait, so this weed was found underwater and it’s still worth over a million dollars? Lucky fisherman. (citizen.co.za)