• I really wish my contribution to society was “:-)”! I’m really jealous…seriously. (Wired.com)

• So, wait, it’s breaking news now that people like to look at attractive people and it only takes a half second to notice them? Any horny college kid could’ve told you that. (Yahoo News)

• If you have a tramp stamp, beware! All of those pregnancies that your stamp has been causing is going to make birth a lot more painful. (wsj.com)

• Bad News: You’re in college and weed is still illegal. Good News: As long as you’re not a raging pot-head. (denverpost.com)

• I almost forgot Halloween was coming. So, just in case you love candy as much as we do at College Candy (ha) check out some sweets that never made it onto store shelves. (i-mockery.com)

• Apparently, the kids are calling it “juking” these days. But back when I was in high school it was just called acting real slutty and awkward. (Chicago Sun-Times)

• Students could learn a lot from this kind of dedication. Minus the dying. (Yahoo News)

• Jack Hanna and a flamingo got stuck in a turnstile. For real. (Associated Press)

• I don’t think South Park or Family Guy would think this comic was all that funny either. (WTNH)

• Cosmopolitan Magazine and its evolution over the past thirty years! Prepare to feel stunned and better looking than the cover model from 1987. (Jezebel)

• Oh Mary Kate Olsen, if there’s one thing I didn’t want today, it was a visual in my head of you running around naked wearing only jewelry. Real visual? Maybe. (People Magazine)

• Am I crazy or have I been seeing satin shorts in Forever 21 for at least a year? Take that Vera Wang. (FashionchickNYC)

• So now all the smug vegans can drive around in their hybrids feeling smug for yet another reason! Good for them! (Yahoo News)

• “People would walk past the serious work I was doing as a painter and want to see the Etch-A-Sketches.” Ummm…Etch-A-Sketch is serious work. (UK DailyMail)

• If you’re unhappy you get more ice cream! But then what if you’re happy and don’t get as much…doesn’t this make you unhappy? Yes it does. Genius! (wemakemoneynotart.com)

Not since Joe Simpson said of Jessica’s rack, “She’s got double-D’s! You can’t cover those suckers up!” have I been so creeped out by a father-daughter relationship.

According to this Yahoo article, Purity Balls are on the rise.

What’s a Purity Ball, you ask? Oh, y’know, it’s just like a Sweet Sixteen or a Bat Mitzvah, except that instead of celebrating a girl’s coming-of-age, it is the celebration of a girl’s sexual repression as enforced by her father and The Christian Right.

And instead of getting a digital camera or a car, she gets a Chastity Ring! Good times!

The purpose of said Purity Ball is for father and daughter to exchange the following vows:

Dad: Pumpkin, I’ll protect your chastity and live an unblemished life.
Daughter: Daddy, I won’t have sex until I’m passed on to my next owner husband.

Seriously… is there anything more spine-chilling than a 10 year old girl, dolled up in white, looking her father in the eye and vowing not to have sex until she’s married? Or, worse, a father in a tuxedo, peering down upon his pre-pubescent daughter and promising to not jerk it to online pornography? Ew, ew, ewww! Read More »