(That’s actually my high school…Imagine having Coach Jo as a World History teacher.)

Anyway, its that time of year. Super Bowl parties! We want to be there for the food, commercials, and booze, but what is this football business going on in the middle of all that? Sitting through a football game, clueless as to what’s going on is roughly equivalent to conversational Farsi.

Growing up in a devout Texas football town, I will tell you that it takes years for the fairer sex to pick up the hundreds of rules and terms, as we have spent most of football season gossiping in the stands. I’ve gone and written out some of the more important ones that will help you follow the game and impress the boys. Guys think you are SO rad if you’re actually into football, but until you prove yourself, you’ll be treated as a spy.

SCORING:

Touchdown- The team carrying the ball runs or passes it to the opposing team’s end zone. That’s worth six points and they can either kick a field goal for one extra point ooooor they can go for the…
Two-Point Conversion- The team that scores runs a play from the 2 yard line and gets two points if the ball makes it into the end zone again.
Safety- This is when the DEFENSE scores two points by tackling a guy from the other team while he’s got the ball in his own end zone. Way rare, but remember there is also a position called Safety…but you probably won’t need to know about him or what he does.

POSITIONS TO KNOW:

Quarterback- If you know only one player on your team, let it be the QB. He’s the one they show on TV the most and is sometimes very good looking. The QB gets the snap from the Center and will usually hand it to a Running Back or throw it to a Receiver.
Center- He does the snap, which is just giving the ball to the QB at the beginning of the play.
Half Back or Running Back- He runs with the football.
Wide Receiver- He’s supposed to catch the ball when the hottie QB passes it down the field.

WHEN THE BALL IS IN PLAY

First Down- IMPORTANT!! Every team’s possession begins with a first down. The offense has to move the ball 10+ yards down the field in order to get another first down. They have four tries (downs) before the ball gets turned over to the other team. Often times on the fourth down, you’ll see a…
Punt- It’s just a frickin’ drop kick. The ball gets caught by the other team and we have a…
Punt Return- Whoever catches the ball can either call it a fair catch or run like hell towards the other end zone.
Rush- Rushing is a defensive move. It’s basically used to stress out the QB so he makes a bad throw, but sometimes the rush turns into a…
Sack- The studly QB is tackled before he can get rid of the ball. This is really bad for the offense because it moves the ball in the wrong direction.
Interception- The wrong team catches the pass. They have possession and can run the ball back the other direction. Riots may occur.
Penalties:
You know there was a penalty when you see the yellow flag fly out on to the field.

Common 5 Yard Penalties:
False Start- Offensive player moves before the ball is snapped.
Delay of Game- No snap before the play clock runs out.

Common 10 Yard Penalties:
Holding- Not okay to hold the jersey or the body during play.
Intentional Grounding- When QB obviously throws to nobody so his ass doesn’t get sacked.
Offensive Pass Interference- Pushing the defense while trying to catch a pass.

Common 15 Yard Penalties:
Face Mask- Usually taking someone down by the face.
Unnecessary Roughness- NFL doesn’t like it rough.

…And there you have it. A pretty comprehensive list of all the things you need to know to look cool. Got any extra advice? Share!