Remember when Facebook was the simple, straightforward, selective version of MySpace? When it was “the facebook”? All we had was a profile, a wall, poking, messaging, and groups. There was no photo feature, so we had to agonize over that one, single, perfect profile picture. No status updates, no events, no high school students.

As Facebook gradually became bigger, more complicated, more cluttered, and more creepy, we complained, but after the initial outcry, we always acquiesced and eventually embraced the new developments. Newsfeed threatened to tear us apart, but as always, we broke down and accepted it. And then came the greatest betrayal, when Facebook opened its once closely guarded gates and welcomed in anyone, anyone at all.

If anything could drive me away from Facebook forever, it would be the über-sketch appearance of members with the words “(no network)” appearing ominously after their names. And yet, we tolerate even this.

Somehow, the latest Facebook phenomenon still managed to take me by surprise. I’m referring, of course, to the applications. After years of slowly but surely adopting one gimmicky, gratuitous feature after another, Facebook decides to let us create our own, and in doing so, flood profiles with clutter. Well I hate it.

Some of the applications don’t suck. I appreciate that. According to the nifty sidebar on the application directory, iLike is a popular application among my friends. Add songs and music to your profile, and see who’s going to concerts. Okay. Sounds pretty good, I guess. But that’s so MySpace. And worse, it doesn’t match. All the applications have different designs, different colors, different logos. And for someone so OCD she absolutely cannot wear her Gap bra with Victoria’s Secret underwear, a Facebook profile cluttered with random mismatched crap is just intolerable. Graffiti? Superpoke? Top Friends? Hot or Not? Gross! Everything is messy and weird and full of bugs, and I don’t want it. I don’t want any of it.

If I wanted to use MySpace, I’d be using MySpace. I mean seriously, what’s next? The day they give me the option to make my Facebook profile sparkly flashing purple…well, I want to say that’s the day I finally deactivate my account, but we all know I’ll be back. I always go back…